A Google Chat from 2010 with a ballerino I used to date in the final days of our relationship
by Jasmine Neosh
10:22 PM cronk: do you ever feel you don’t have enough laser madness in your life?
me: I watched an amazing Nova that was partially about lasers the other day. I wouldn’t say it was madness, though. I would say my life suffers from a terrible lack of laser-related amazingness.
10:26 PM Actually, no, I take that back. I’d say that all of my laser needs are met on a day-to-day basis, to the best of my capabilities.
cronk: lies
me: I’m a simple woman with simple needs.
10:27 PM I don’t need all kinds of fancy lasers and shit, photons bouncing around all scattershot being too many places at once. That’s the problem with lasers. Don’t know where they wanna be at any given time.
10:28 PM cronk: if things were your way, poor things would be swimming in ether all the goddamn time
me: And what’d be wrong with that? Ether’s a fine thing.
cronk: “YOU FUCKING QUEER LITTLE PARTICLES NEED A MEDIUM, DON’T YOU” you’d scream from your vacuum
10:29 PM me: I only did that once :(
cronk: god, you’re such a mean bitch to those little waves
A MEAN BITCH NOT A NICE BITCH
me: Look, I just think it’s time they grew the fuck up
cronk: A REAL NICE BITCH
me: It’s fine to go ahead just richocheting around existence being everywhere
10:30 PM fucking up everybody’s shit
cronk: you don’t want anything to grow up
me: but those lasers need to get themselves a damn job
WRONG
I want everything to grow up but me.
cronk: stalks of corn miles high
me: Me climbing up them
10:31 PM Dancing on the tops of them
That’s the life for me. Fuck all y’all
cronk: farting in the silk
me: Curling up in the husks during the frost
As I said, fuck all y’all. I’m going to live on some corn.
10:32 PM cronk: the husks get plowed into the ground, so that might not be a good idea
me: Good, then I’ll die with them. Stay little forever. And haunt the fuck out of those fields
10:33 PM cronk: nothing is haunted by a tiny ghost
that’s stupid
andrew could haunt something better than tiny you and he’s still alive
me: That’s the problem with you, Craig, you never believed in me
10:34 PM Well, I’ll show you. I’ll show all of you
cronk: PROVE ME WRONG, GHOST-BAG.
PROVE ME THE FUCK WRONG
me: You just wait until the next harvesting season, sack o’ blood. Gonna be omens ALL OVER THE PLACE
10:35 PM You’ll be gray as a snowfall by autumn.
cronk: i don’t live in the cornfields, and they only grow field corn out in illinois, anyway that kind of corn is used for feed
me: That’s hardly the point, Craig.
God! I had an easier time explaining this concept to the corn.
10:36 PM the haunted corn. What the hell are we even talking about. What is this nonsense.
cronk: it’s not haunted yet
me: It is… tear
cronk: you’re still alive and you’re not tiny
me: That’s what you think. You really have no proof.
