What I’m Looking For in Another Human Being

Matthew: i have a question
3:11 AM if you lost a hand, would you want to keep it?
me: yes.
It’s fucking mine.
3:13 AM Matthew: i think i would, too
but it might creep me out
me: it would creep others out
which is partially why I’d want it
3:14 AM and it would stand as a great monument to my wholly American sense of entitlement, my nonsensical territorialism, and my many many strange litmus tests
the one who doesn’t get creeped out, is the One
3:15 AM Matthew: you mean the one who takes a sip from your hand juice.
me: the one who cradles my hand while I’m away
Matthew: man i love ricolas
me: and has disgusting but beautiful fantasies about it in my absence
3:16 AM Matthew: no one is going to touch that nasty thing
they’ll admire it from afar
me: the one who really loves me will
he will not do it, for fear of ruining it
the fantasy, you know
and besides, it will feel like a kind of infidelity, the otherness
3:17 AM like he is cheating on me with someone who is exactly me but not me
the metaphysical repercussions of which would be complicated and heartbreaking
but he’d long, in my absence
Matthew: why can’t you just find yourself a good man with a job?
me: those people are boring
and intolerant of the partially handless


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