Facebook conversation with local performance poet Shawn Guiney
you didnt say goodbye i barely saw you last night!!! WTF
I know, I’m sorry :)
I am sort of like that random ethnic friend in bad urban-targeted movies about dancing.
I just come to make you feel rad and then I leave and no one knows where or why I went.
Did you continue to enjoy yourself, in spite of my hitherto-unexplained departure?
lol yea till i vomited lol
why did you leave so fast?
Stephanie, Andrew and Emily were all leaving at once and you were presumably making out with that girl so I didn’t want to be all alone at a party in a strange house full of people I did not know.
Or was at least not drunk enough yet to think that was a good idea.
lol oh thats when it happened
I am actually mortified of large groups of people, especially people in the middle of an activity like pumpkin carving.
lol it is dangerous
It is brutal and arcane. Too much propensity for cutting out the hearts of things. Could have turned into the Manson family shit at any moment. I thought it best to leave.
I mean, they were even cooking the seeds. That’s like what warriors do in the old world. They eat their enemies to possess their power.
And pumpkins are mad powerful.
LOL you entertain me
I try. Really I am just glad that your vomiting did not drive the congregation into a frenzy
i watited till the end
The seeds we salt and eat are sort of like the vomit of pumpkin existence
it was the perfect timing
I like to vomit at the ends of bad jokes I tell.
If it doesn’t go over well, I must’ve fucked up the punchline because I was about to get alcohol poisoning.
right a book
And then I am the warm pukey nucleus of life that the whole world loves to gather around and clean up after
It is a good place to be.
Purgatory is the most passive-aggressive of afterlife options in Catholicism
I have a huge problem with it.
It is almost as bad as Ohio.
i think you would enjoy hell to much so i think i will send you there instead
what about arkansas
Did you know that the actual theory regarding Satantic genitalia was that it was made of ice? Because in Dante’s circles of Hell, the final circle was actually quite cold, because it was so far from God’s light and warmth, like Pluto
So if you ever hear me cursing someone with the frigid dick of Satan, you’ll know why.
‘Cause it’s accurate.