A Google Chat from 2010 with a ballerino I used to date in the final days of our relationship

10:22 PM cronk: do you ever feel you don’t have enough laser madness in your life?

me: I watched an amazing Nova that was partially about lasers the other day. I wouldn’t say it was madness, though. I would say my life suffers from a terrible lack of laser-related amazingness.

10:26 PM Actually, no, I take that back. I’d say that all of my laser needs are met on a day-to-day basis, to the best of my capabilities.

cronk: lies

me: I’m a simple woman with simple needs.

10:27 PM I don’t need all kinds of fancy lasers and shit, photons bouncing around all scattershot being too many places at once. That’s the problem with lasers. Don’t know where they wanna be at any given time.

10:28 PM cronk: if things were your way, poor things would be swimming in ether all the goddamn time

me: And what’d be wrong with that? Ether’s a fine thing.

cronk: “YOU FUCKING QUEER LITTLE PARTICLES NEED A MEDIUM, DON’T YOU” you’d scream from your vacuum

10:29 PM me: I only did that once :(

cronk: god, you’re such a mean bitch to those little waves

A MEAN BITCH NOT A NICE BITCH

me: Look, I just think it’s time they grew the fuck up

cronk: A REAL NICE BITCH

me: It’s fine to go ahead just richocheting around existence being everywhere

10:30 PM fucking up everybody’s shit

cronk: you don’t want anything to grow up

me: but those lasers need to get themselves a damn job

WRONG

I want everything to grow up but me.

cronk: stalks of corn miles high

me: Me climbing up them

10:31 PM Dancing on the tops of them

That’s the life for me. Fuck all y’all

cronk: farting in the silk

me: Curling up in the husks during the frost

As I said, fuck all y’all. I’m going to live on some corn.

10:32 PM cronk: the husks get plowed into the ground, so that might not be a good idea

me: Good, then I’ll die with them. Stay little forever. And haunt the fuck out of those fields

10:33 PM cronk: nothing is haunted by a tiny ghost

that’s stupid

andrew could haunt something better than tiny you and he’s still alive

me: That’s the problem with you, Craig, you never believed in me

10:34 PM Well, I’ll show you. I’ll show all of you

cronk: PROVE ME WRONG, GHOST-BAG.

PROVE ME THE FUCK WRONG

me: You just wait until the next harvesting season, sack o’ blood. Gonna be omens ALL OVER THE PLACE

10:35 PM You’ll be gray as a snowfall by autumn.

cronk: i don’t live in the cornfields, and they only grow field corn out in illinois, anyway that kind of corn is used for feed

me: That’s hardly the point, Craig.

God! I had an easier time explaining this concept to the corn.

10:36 PM the haunted corn. What the hell are we even talking about. What is this nonsense.

cronk: it’s not haunted yet

me: It is… tear

cronk: you’re still alive and you’re not tiny

me: That’s what you think. You really have no proof.

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