I like rain a lot. I like to stand underneath huge big structures when it rains and have the rain fall so hard that it kind of ricochets off the pavement a few inches in front of me and bounces up and hits me in the bare leg. I have only kissed one person in the rain aware that it was raining and that’s what we were doing and it had been a little premeditated because we were sitting in the Logan Bar/Grill on the last night we were ever supposed to see eachother and we were both very aware of it and we were talking about the rain and he said “it’s not like we’re the kind of people to ever kiss in the rain” and I shrugged my shoulders and he said it in kind of a passive-aggressive way and while we were outside, flagging a cab to go back to his house, I was holding up my rain coat and he was holding up this broken-ass umbrella that he’d found on the ground while we were walking around and while we were trying to flag a cab, he snuck up under the coat that I was holding over my head like a canopy and he kissed me and it was very sad and very strange and very momentous in such a way that when we finally got home and took off all our wet clothes we didn’t even have sex, we just kind of took turns resting our heads on eachother’s backs and staring at eachother really sadly listening to the rain and making promises we didn’t intend to keep and then when I finally did see him again, months later, we didn’t say anything about that, we just resented eachother, we just stared as if we had just always thought we’d made eachother up, and then there it was, the way that it was.
I like woods. I like to walk around in the woods and think about other woods I have been in at other times and how I have felt while I was in them, how sometimes I go into them just to be alone or how I go into them trying to be closer to someone who isn’t there, how before I went to North Carolina in part just to look at trees, a friend that I was madly in love with told me that I should make a list of better trees that I’ve seen so that I can ruin the experience for everyone involved but know deep down inside the truth, that this is the best tree I have ever seen, the best tree in the world.
I like the sides of very empty highways, like oases and waysides where you’re supposed to stop the car and get out and take a stretch or a pee or eat something, and how I get out of the car and those are the only times I ever feel like I’m somewhere else, somewhere that I’m not usually, and they make me feel alive and free and like myself for some reason, because all of a sudden it occurs to me how long I’ve felt new to anything, and how that is the only time I ever ever ever feel like myself, is when I feel new.
I like campfires and bonfires and fires of all times because of the way they light up everything around them. I like throwing things into them and sitting around them and smelling them and looking at the faces of other people who sit around them next to me. I like it much better than regular light, electric light, that generally has no smell or feeling of home.
I like going to wild parties that the majority of my friends aren’t at, only like one or two friends who aren’t connected in any major way to my major group of friends, because I can go there and say whatever I want to whomever I want without feeling like the person I’m saying these things to is going to be tired of hearing it. I can sing along to bands that I’ve never listened to and don’t particularly like me because no one is going to hold it against me or call me a hypocrite or remind me of how I don’t like them. I can shove and mosh and jump around and slamdance without anyone expecting me to do that in the future. I can hit on strange men and not be at all alarmed if they fall in love with me. I can say yes when people ask me to marry them and not give any kind of a fuck about the fact that people are laughing at us.
I like the taste of wild strawberries.
I like going to readings and plays by myself because then I don’t have anything weighing down on my mind, like if the person I brought or came with doesn’t like what we’re seeing, am I an asshole for just having wasted that other person’s time? Could they have been doing something better? When I go to those places alone I don’t have to worry about it.
I like being barefoot because it makes me feel more relaxed. I like being barefoot outside or on grass. I feel like I can go wherever I want without shoes because it’s primal. I like walking around on the sidewalk or in the sand on days that its warm and I feel that gentle warmth from the ground under me seep into my feet like something that loves me.
I like it when I’m riding around in a car with Evan and he decides he’s sick of wearing a shirt so in the middle of traffic on California Avenue, he takes it off and throws it into the backseat and doesn’t give a fuck.
I like wrapping my arms around people I don’t want to have sex with.
I like waking up on other peoples’ floors and seeing them in my periphery drinking beers with one hand and coffee in the other.
I like it when I start talking to someone and the party happens all around us and people keep asking us to do something else but neither one of us wants to join and we’re both totally aware of how rude we’re being but we’d so much rather sit off to the side by ourselves talking to eachother.
I like drunkenly inviting strangers into my life and when they accept, I like it when they stare wonderously at my bookshelf, complimenting me on my books, and I like pointing out each book and telling them what effects they had on me, the books, and telling them about myself that way. I like giving things away and getting things, random things, as tokens of our new friendship.
I like receiving mail from far-away friends and the hand-written notes on the inside.
I like it when I’m wandering around with nothing to do and people randomly ask me to help them do something, so I do, and before I know it, I’ve learned how to operate a series of strange cameras or fallen out of a tree trying to help someone get their kid’s balloon down.
I like it when I’ve just met someone and fallen in love with them and we haven’t given any indication that we’re actually interested in eachother and one of us makes a bold gesture, like picking up the other person’s arm and placing it around our shoulders and the other person in reciprocation slides their hand into yours in that way like you’re holding hands but you’re not really holding hands, you’re just kind of touching palms and fingertips and nobody in the room says anything about it even though everybody knows what’s happening.
I like drunkenly dancing with my friends on occasions when no dancing was planned-for or requested, but it just happens.
I like having a lot of people around all the time except for when I don’t.
I like making big dinners for friends and having them sit around my frontroom playing music or making art and eating my food.
I like Sundays.
I like that feeling at the beginning of the night where you don’t know what’s going to happen but it’s probably going to be fun.
I like riding on the back of someone’s motorcycle late at night.
I like falling asleep with lots of other people in places where I shouldn’t.
I like when I’m somewhere I don’t want to be with people I like and they’re of the same mind and they’re like “fuck this, let’s get out of here” so we sneak out and hop into their car and drive away and someone runs behind us yelling “what the fuck? where are you going?” and we just yell “anywhere but fucking here, man!” and speed away, not giving a fuck and end up going everywhere, anywhere, just looking for a good time.
I like it when something crazy happens and I look across the room at Matthew and we both know what the other one is thinking about the situation at hand without having to say anything at all.
I like it when parties degenerate into sing-alongs.
I like it when we have dance parties in the dark that last until 4am and the host never comes out to tell us to stop even though the music is loud loud loud.
I like diving into small bodies of water.
I like doing yoga with friends in public places.
I like dog-piling with my friends and rolling around in big piles of cushions laughing when the host of the party and everyone around us are worried that we will somehow hurt ourselves.
I like barbecue.
I like pinwheels.
I like balloons.
I like hurdy-gurdys.
I like accordians.
I like it when the power goes out and we don’t give one fuck.
I like rooftops.
I like the feeling that no one who isn’t present will never experience the things that I’m experiencing, like when a bunch of musician friends are sitting around and decide they want to sing, or when we are so bored we invent a game on the spot and act it out even though it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
I like it when you drive fast.
I like it when you make me french toast.
I like it when I wake up three hours earlier than I am accustomed to waking up.
I like wineball.
I like it when Mike decided to make pinatas a party tradition.
I like it when Jason is drunk enough to decide to do pretend pole dances on a stop sign outside of the Logan Bar and Grill and we throw pennies at him and I tell him to put his hat on and say “yeah, you’re warm, aren’t you?” and it makes him laugh so hard he slips on the pole and stands doubled up for like five minutes laughing. I like it when we start yelling things at passers-by in threatening ways, but they’re nice things like “HEY BUDDY. THANK YOU FOR CONTRIBUTING TO BICYCLE SAFETY” for wearing a helmet and I like it when we start yelling at a guy and a girl on a scooter on Milwaukee Avenue and it turns out to be my roommmate that Jason’s thrusting at.
I like it when Mike leans out the window of Jerry’s car and yells at some girls, “HEY GIRL. WHAT’S YO BLOOD TYPE?”
I like it when people decide to just buy Jerry and I beer because they like the shirt that Jerry’s wearing.
I like it when the leaves change colors.
I like flowers.
I like cigarettes.
I like it when people give me free whiskey.
I like not staying in one place all the time.
I like jumping on other peoples’ beds.