Good news: Elder Scrolls: Skyrim Jasmine recently purchased a large tract of lakefront property far from any neighboring city. Over the course of many weeks, she built it out with the labor of her hands. It now holds a library and a greenhouse, as well as an armory. She brews her own mead in the basement with honey from her house’s apiary, but seldom drinks it herself. She is recently married to a respectable soldier and is in the process of adopting two children from the local orphanage. She holds several high-ranking positions in both academic and militaristic settings. She has a wide variety of valuable skills in the kitchen, at the blacksmith’s forge and on the battlefield. She is a humanitarian and is at war with no particular religious institution. She always says the right thing and is not quick to battle. She is mostly a productive and well-respected member of society. She has no outstanding warrants. Her sphere is influence is largely positive, and she is vegan.

Real life Jasmine spent the whole of the last weekend in bars after work, getting loud, talking about bullshit and dancing with strangers. Real life Jasmine’s apartment is kind of messy, because it is small and poorly-thought-out. Real life Jasmine is in a constant state of neurotic obsession, a constant state of dissatisfaction with her work. She doesn’t purchase milk unless it is too late to buy almond milk. She spends the extra money on all-organic fruits and vegetables but seldom finishes the package, even with help from her boyfriend. She specifically purchases post-consumer everything but tends toward sloppiness vis a vis her carbon footprint and recycling habits. She knows that eating meat is evil but sometimes she does it anyway. She is still thinking about going back to finish school but probably will not. She falls in love every five minutes. She smokes. She is of questionable legal standing in most of the places in which she has stayed for more than a few days. She has not been tested in two years because she is pathologically afraid of both hospitals and blood-drawing. She is not on speaking terms with any of her ex-boyfriends except one. She hates Led Zeppelin. Even her closest friends would say that she is chronically impatient and at least a little pretentious, flighty, easily bored. They would say that she has a tenuous relationship with all previous business partners. That she has wonderful ideas but begins to hate everything once she gets too comfortable in a place or with certain people. That she’s unreliable. At least a little bit dangerous. And they’d be right about her when they said those things.

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