will they/won’t they. real reasons/imagined reasons

Sex and music. I probably wouldn’t want you were it not for New Order. I probably wouldn’t want you if you weren’t the perfect kind of old. I probably wouldn’t want you if we had gone uptown instead. I probably wouldn’t want you if you weren’t wearing that shirt. I probably wouldn’t want you were it not for Fernet Branca. I probably wouldn’t want you if the music weren’t that loud and I didn’t have to get that close to talk to you. I probably wouldn’t want you if I didn’t have a boyfriend. I probably wouldn’t want you if there hadn’t been others, just like you, before you. I probably wouldn’t want you if I didn’t have this weird attraction to the sun-browned forearms of men who lift heavy stuff for a living. I probably wouldn’t want you if you hadn’t let me put my hands through your hair. I probably wouldn’t want you if your skin wasn’t so warm. I probably wouldn’t want you if you didn’t smell like leather and smoke. I probably wouldn’t want you if you didn’t know all the words to “Georgia.” I probably wouldn’t want you if I were older. I probably wouldn’t want you if I were happy. I probably wouldn’t want you if you didn’t look at me like that. I probably wouldn’t want you if you laughed some other way. I probably wouldn’t want you if I couldn’t tell you were looking at me from a great distance. I probably wouldn’t want you if you didn’t grab me by the waist and tell me that you were attracted to me, in that matter of fact way. I probably wouldn’t want you if you hadn’t said “I’m tired of sleeping around. I want a relationship,” in a way that sounded very sincere and very sad and impossible. I probably wouldn’t want you if you didn’t tell me all of your secrets in off-handed, half-sarcastic ways. I probably wouldn’t want you if you didn’t always want to be alone. I probably wouldn’t want you if this were some other time in my life. I probably wouldn’t want you if there were nothing in the way of us being together.

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