A response to an emailed question asking me about fidelity in a non-monogamous relationship

It amazes me just how many people have never thought of sexual ownership as something separate from love. There is this popular notion that the strength of love is based primarily or at least in large part in how much you control or outright deny to yourself and your partner any feelings you might have for another person. At least for me, the real nature of love has always had something to do with confidence and emotional safety, whereas sexual ownership feels a lot closer in nature to jealousy and insecurity.

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