New listicle!

Thanks for ruining one of my favorite literary forms of all time by over-publishing easily digestible, unoriginal trash just to appeal to the lowest common denominator and boost your advertising revenue, you douchebags

1. One very abstract emotional concept repeated 20 times in different ways plus four shallow activities you are too proud of doing by the time you’re 25

2. 200 articles spouting casual racism and classism written by upper class white people who for whatever reason feel proud of their own ignorance

3. 30-year-olds who haven’t figured out that outdated and extremely generalized sexual stereotypes aren’t a thing that modern people find attractive in a potential mate

4. Four weeks after publishing the first article mentioned in this list, you publish the exact same list, just with maybe a different set of numbers and a different degree of quirk

5. blah blah blah humorous reference to a 15-minute celebrity that will be outdated in a couple of weeks

6. surprisingly well-thought-out response to the second article mentioned in this list, which will go completely unnoticed to most of the readership, except for the racist/classist trolls who apparently split their permanent address between their mother’s basement and your site’s comment page

7. in the time you use to give unsubstantiated advice on foods that will bust belly fat, thousands of people will have died of starvation

8. speaking of which, lol famous fat people, amirite?

9. sometimes in the process of finding out who you are as an artist, you write cliched or heartless things and that’s okay because it’s part of the process. But the sad fact of the matter is, the things I’m describing to you aren’t art. Much of the artistic culture right now has a way of championing apathy as a solution to feeling helpless, because caring about things and trying hard to say something unique is a high-risk endeavor and many people “fail.” We call it being cool but just like high school, the things one does to “be cool” are often just a cover-up for our own fears and insecurities, and as an adult, you should at least work towards trying to understand the difference, especially if you are one of the few people in this world lucky enough to have an audience, and doubly so if you are lucky enough to have an impressionable audience yet untouched by your own cynicism

10. I mean sure, go and have your fun, but the simple fact of the matter is, the most unique voices tend to be the most sensitive, and it’s easy to get drowned out by the assholes of the publishing world, especially if you’re confused about what you want to do and you just want to be a writer so badly that you’ll accept anything that vaguely smacks of “success”

11. This is the number of death and rape threats I have received for trying to tell the truth about being in a non-monogamous relationship in an article under my own name

12. Yes, that is the first time that ever happened to me. No, I did not ask the publisher to take it down out of fear

13. This is not at all an uncommon occurrence. It’s gotten to the point that people talk about death threats to women writers as if it’s just a normal, expected thing.

14. I can understand, under these circumstances, why writing things that are not controversial can seem appealing, but the fact of the matter is, the goal of these assholes is to silence dissent, and that is absolutely something I would die fighting for.

15. The things you put on the internet stay on the internet for a very long time. What kind of things do you really want attached to your name forever?

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