letter – found 05.16.15

I have done everything I can to make this place feel like home since you’ve been away. It was not easy with what you left here for me. I have a box of old pictures, a couple  boxes of Christmas lights (you bastard, I noticed how you stuck me with the colored ones), and a bunch of pieces of cardboard. I’ll admit that the first thing to happen was total reckless abandonment of our agreed-upon cleaning regimen. Take-out boxes and newspapers and receipts from impulse purchases at the Walgreens had formed a layer on our floor that reminded me of the rainforest. I took a scorched earth approach to the whole mess, pretty much ensuring that some really important documentation would get thrown out in the process. I’m sure I won’t notice until it’s too late. After taking out bag after bag, I set about trying to make something work out of the rubble. I used packing tape and the Christmas lights to ornament the walls with all sorts of light-up shapes that might seem like hideous chaos to anyone who can see in through our windows but make me feel warm inside. I taped the pictures up above my desk so I can see you and think of all the funny faces we used to make when we first met eachother and needed to get drunk all the time to stop worrying about making fools of ourselves. With the empty cardboard boxes from these things, I made little cardboard bird shapes and hung them from the ceiling so that everything in my apartment feels like part of some elaborate skydome. Now that the place looks clean and lovely, it suddenly struck me that there was nothing to do except sit and wait for you to decide if any of this is pretty enough to come back to or not.

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